when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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