You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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