I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
