I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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