The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is Oprah even human
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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