oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
