I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
