Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize