I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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