don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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