tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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