We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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