take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
