who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
