Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
