i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
