therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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