I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
