sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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