It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
