Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
