wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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