Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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