i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
