He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
