Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
