Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
