Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
