Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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