my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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