I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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