Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
