I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
