My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
