I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
