Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
