So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
