Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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