i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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