his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
