he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
