I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
