So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
