I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
