Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
are you so shy because you have an std?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
