How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
