mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize