oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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