it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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