I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize