i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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