mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's great music for shaving your balls
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
