Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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