It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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