thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
