Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
