whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's get the cat blown out
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
