shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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