You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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