They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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